Who I Want to Become, Who I Am: Both are Worthy of Love
Self Love & Healing
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Self Love & Healing 🌟
Who I Want to Become
I want to make a habit out of routines that make me feel good and improve my quality of life. The way I habitually check my phone first thing in the morning now, I will habitually grab a book, start a meditation, play some music, feed my senses in other ways. Maybe some coffee while I journal. Maybe extra cuddles and expressions of physical touch with my partner. I want to fully accept that my mood will fluctuate and then give myself what I need in each season. Instead of feeling guilty for needing to switch my routine, I will gracefully shift to showing up for every version of myself. Loving myself fully will allow me to love my partner and my children the way they need to be loved. The same compassion I have for myself I will have for them. I will be flexible, yet disciplined enough to get back to the things that may not always be easy or effortless, but are good for me.
I will lean into my gifts. I will share my gifts with people without self doubt. If my gifts were not meant to be shared, they would not be mine. My gifts may not be for everyone, but of the 8 billion people on the planet, they are for many. The opinions of those that find value in my work and in my gifts far outweigh the opinions of those who do not. Feelings of shame or embarrassment will no longer exist within me therefore I will move without fear. I will fully accept that even if I fail, I will not have regret. Just doing, is an act of self love. Doing is proof that self love and self acceptance has manifested within me. There is success within failure in the form of lessons. I can’t learn anything if I don't give it a try. My gifts will improve as I allow myself to share them.
Who I Am
In order to get to the person I just described, I have to fully embrace and accept the person I am now. My flaws aren't permanent. My flaws have a story. I have to start by not being so hard on myself for being “addicted” to my phone. We are in a digital age. Using my phone is a life necessity. It keeps me connected to the people I love, to the events of the world. My phone educates me. My phone allows me to share my gifts with people around the world. My phone allowed me to connect with my partner when he slid into my DM’s. Social media apps have allowed me to network with people and even land jobs. So instead of attempting to guilt trip myself and bash the internet, I will learn to have a healthy relationship with it. Yes, I check my phone too much. I refresh my email way too many times. I refresh Instagram, TikTok and YouTube solely to seek validation. It sucks to admit it, but I am constantly checking if people are engaging with my work. This is a valid desire as I work so hard. However, I can improve my work if I use my time to work on myself. I can set limits for myself by checking my engagement fewer times. I can develop healthier habits by moving the validation seeking from the internet to myself and those physically around me. While still using the gift of the internet for the amazing things it provides. Without the internet I would not have started this healing journey. So instead of trying to live without it, I'm trying to live with it in a way that's healthy.
This won't be an easy overnight change. It will be an evolution. Like evolution, there will be some errors and failures. But there will also be happy accidents. There will be many wins and success stories. If I remember to embrace them all, accept it all as part of a healing journey, I will be okay. With discipline, grace, and unwavering self love I can let go of what doesn't serve me to release the weight of it. I won't sulk in my mishaps. I will just take the lessons I can and move on.
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This reflection was inspired by a prompt at the end of chapter 1 in Lighter by Yung Pueblo. The prompt read “What does self-love look like for you right now? How do you want your self-love to evolve, and what do you want it to feel like a year from now?” I just flipped it around and started with where I wanted to be. I needed to start with optimism. A beautiful mantra to manifest. This made it easier to be open about where I am now and realize the steps needed to evolve.